Saturday, February 9, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
there's a ghost in my house
it had been more or less two years since that last time matthew saw or heard from jillian. matthew had moved on in his life but he couldn't help coming back to jillian from time to time. it was something that had never been completely resolved for him. he was never allowed to make peace. there was never any nice words over coffee or even the idea of coffee. there was just no coffee.
sometimes the jillian moments had no time or place and then other times they would plague matthew, usually in the early morning when he tended to write alone.
through the grapevine matthew had heard that jillian met a man. a good man. a man that was probably much better suited for her. matthew always kind of wished he could congratulate jillian and tell her how happy he was for her and that his own life have improved and that they should all have dinner sometime and watch a movie because it would seem like the right thing to do. maybe they could become couple friends and go on vacations together or go shopping and then go to applebee's after.
matthew knew better. it didn't stop him from thinking about it though.
jillian had become a ghost to him. a ghost that is probably not even really jillian. probably more of a concept of jillian. something matthew still wanted in his life that he felt was no longer there. regardless of of matthew's realization of of the nowhere-ness of these particular thoughts, he was still haunted by the ghost of jillian.
he wondered if she would ever go away or if he even wanted her to.
sometimes he even thought about running into her at the mall or the bookstore that matthew works at and wondered, what they would would even say to each other. would there even be anything to say?
on further consideration of this matthew thought it best if nothing was said. a kind smile, a nod, a wave.
matthew found peace in that thought and then jillian's ghost disappeared, at least for that moment.
after reflecting for a moment matthew got up and started his day.
sometimes the jillian moments had no time or place and then other times they would plague matthew, usually in the early morning when he tended to write alone.
through the grapevine matthew had heard that jillian met a man. a good man. a man that was probably much better suited for her. matthew always kind of wished he could congratulate jillian and tell her how happy he was for her and that his own life have improved and that they should all have dinner sometime and watch a movie because it would seem like the right thing to do. maybe they could become couple friends and go on vacations together or go shopping and then go to applebee's after.
matthew knew better. it didn't stop him from thinking about it though.
jillian had become a ghost to him. a ghost that is probably not even really jillian. probably more of a concept of jillian. something matthew still wanted in his life that he felt was no longer there. regardless of of matthew's realization of of the nowhere-ness of these particular thoughts, he was still haunted by the ghost of jillian.
he wondered if she would ever go away or if he even wanted her to.
sometimes he even thought about running into her at the mall or the bookstore that matthew works at and wondered, what they would would even say to each other. would there even be anything to say?
on further consideration of this matthew thought it best if nothing was said. a kind smile, a nod, a wave.
matthew found peace in that thought and then jillian's ghost disappeared, at least for that moment.
after reflecting for a moment matthew got up and started his day.
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